Live your life

I’ve recently received a really bad life advice. First I learned that I’m wasting my life and it lacks a meaning, and then I was told to think about what other people might think of me. The implication was obvious – I should make a good impression on others because I’m not making it now. Usually I wouldn’t even bother thinking about this, but it was said by someone whose opinion I’d like to value. I’m afraid he’s lost all my respect now. But I gave it a thought all right.

Don’t live your life to please others. Don’t live in fear of what others think of you. Sure, it’s not great when people think bad things about you, but at the end of the day their opinion doesn’t matter, yours does. As long as you have a clear conscience, you live the way you want, you do the things that make you happy. If you can be happy and satisfied with your life and yourself as a person, then it doesn’t matter which schools you went to, what job you have, where you live, how many friends you have, or how much money is in your bank account.

I’ve spent years trying to do things that would make others happy. I did things because they were expected of me. I didn’t stop to think if those are the things I want to be doing. Until one day when I realized I hate my life and something has to change. And so it did. I no longer have my own place to live, but I can smile a real smile every day. I don’t have a permanent job, but I enjoy the sunshine on my face and the rain in my hair. It took me some time, but I realized I can be happy. I don’t just survive anymore, I live.

Do things you enjoy and if someone cannot support you then maybe they don’t deserve you in their lives.

Thanks?

A friend of mine recently said something along the lines “thanks to all my bullies and all the mean and spiteful people I am now this much stronger person”.

Really?

I know what it’s like being bullied. And it definitely did not make me stronger, more confident person who stands up for what’s right. It caused me years of anxiety, and panic attacks, and self-doubts, and self-hatred.

Let me tell you what happened. I was bullied for years. The usual I guess, my things were constantly missing and then appearing at weird places, I had to share my homework, I was constantly mocked and laughed at. Did I ever think of reporting any of it? Ha! Nobody had ever touched me though, all of this was very psychological. Until the fateful day… *dramatic music* He was the worst of them and that day he punched me. In my arm. Not even that hard. But I was on the verge and that tipped me over. I had a complete breakdown with full on ugly crying in the middle of the hallway. A teacher saw me and made me tell her everything. And that’s how the “person” got expelled.

Did it make me feel strong? Did it make me feel confident? Did it make me feel empowered? No, no, and hell no. I was left to my own devices after that incident, but the damage had already been done.

It took me years to start believing in myself. To realize that my opinions are just as good as anyone else’s. To stand behind my opinions. To stand up for myself. And it’s all still a work in progress. None of those things are because my bullies made me stronger. No. I’d have become this confident person with own opinions much sooner if it wasn’t them.

I lived in this fear of what other people think of me that I never stopped to think what I think. The constant fear of failure was a fear of failure in other people’s eyes. There was a voice in my head questioning everything all the time: “But what will people think?” Years later I finally came to a conclusion that it doesn’t matter what others think. At the end of the day it’s just you and you should be happy instead of trying to make other people happy.

So… No! I would not like to thank my bullies and all the people who made things hard for me.

I would like to thank myself for fighting, for overcoming the obstacles others put in my way, for believing, for taking chances, for making myself happy.

 

Politically correct

There is no good way of saying this, so I’m just going to say it.

The political correctness of these days has become ridiculous.

Take literature. People get personally offended by the smallest things. How come there are no LGBTQ+ characters? How come there are no black people? What about the disabled people? And have you seen the film? Everyone was white. So offensive! The least they could have done was to let a black actor play the lead male character.

Do you realize that Pride and Prejudice was written in early 19th century England and it’s very unlikely that Mr Darcy was black?

Don’t get me wrong. I love books that include all kinds of characters, but it should never be forced. For all I care you can make a Pride and Prejudice remake with black characters only. But don’t get bloody offended that Jane Austen didn’t include any minorities in the book.

Don’t get offended that people don’t include minorities in their books these days. I grew up in a country where like 99% of the people were white. When I read a book and it’s not specified, I imagine all the characters being white. That’s not racist. That’s my brain filling up the blanks with what it knows best.

The same goes for writing. I was taught to write about what I know. I’d never presume to know enough about other ethnic groups to do them justice. I could do my research, but I prefer not to write detailed descriptions of the characters’ appearances, because that way anyone can imagine them the way they want to. Not that it matters because I’ve only ever published a few short stories online. But you get the idea right?

Films ruin this for us. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a film based on a book and thought “OMG, they look exactly as I imagined them!” It’s because you’re watching someone else’s vision. And that’s when it all comes crashing down. Because someone will get offended. And someone else will get offended that someone got offended.

“Hermione should be black.”

“How dare you suggest that. She is as white as a freshly fallen snow.”

She is a fictional character and she might be blue for all we know.

I’m all for inclusion. The world is a large place full of people of all shapes and sizes. And colours. But can we not get offended by the stupidest little things?

Get offended by the right things. Be offended that a film about Genghis Khan does not feature a single Asian person. Be offended by all the white people that ever played Othello. Be offended by Elizabeth Taylor’s Cleopatra, Johnny Depp’s Lone Ranger, Scarlett Johansson’s Major (Ghost in the Shell). Be offended by all the Biblical stories with white people.

Whitewashing exists and it should be a serious crime. But don’t look for it where doesn’t exist. Don’t get offended when other people’s imagination doesn’t work the same way as yours. Our imagination is shaped by our experiences and no two people have the same. And nobody’s imagination should ever be restricted.

Nothing like a good steak

Fair warning to all vegans out there. Leave now.

No, really. I have nothing against vegans. You know, those ones who quietly chew their tofu and don’t try to guilt pressure you into giving up your steak. I love my steak! Sadly, the only vegans I know are the ones walking around doing all in their power to make you feel miserable for enjoying your meal.

The other day I came across a pro vegan video one of my facebook friends shared. My morbid curiosity took over and I actually watched and oh boy, did it make my blood boil. The two points against meat eating in that video were basically these: 1. Humans are not able to hunt and kill animals using only their body therefore they should not eat meat. 2. Humans cannot digest raw meat, they have to cook it first, therefore they should not eat meat.

The argument for the first point was this. Humans, unlike natural predators, are not equipped with sharp teeth, sharp claws, the agility, and strength to hunt down and kill their dinner.

The argument for the second point was that unlike the natural predators, us humans have to cook our meat first because our digestive tract would not be able to deal with raw meat. None of the lions or tigers have to do that.

Where do I even start, right?

One word. Evolution.

Hundreds and thousand of years of evolution gave us humans brains. Some of us at least. Brains are funny things. Many, many years ago they allowed our ancestors to create the first weapons they could use for hunting. And since then our brains evolved and our weapons evolved and lets not get into the whole war thing, but weapons can be used for killing animals, see? So why would my genetics bother to make my lazy ass not so lazy if I can kill something without being faster or stronger?

Also, my genius brain came up with the idea of domestication. Why bother with hunting when I can domesticate this cow and pig and have them in my garden and just eat them whenever I choose. I don’t even have to leave my property! Now, obviously some people were better at this than others. Trades exist. Some people are better at keeping the cows. Some people are better at butchering them. Some people are better at making that delicious steak.

“If you had to kill the animal yourself, you wouldn’t do it. You wouldn’t eat meat!”

Right. I’m pretty certain you didn’t make that acrylic fibre and knitted your jumper so… That’s why we all have different professions. Duh.

The thing about not being able to digest raw meat. How absolutely true. However… Years and years of evolution changed my digestive tract. And since the discovery of a good barbecue a few hundred thousand years ago it hasn’t felt the need to deal with a raw meat. Ergo your argument is invalid. And enjoy your uncooked rice.

If you vegans want to convert us meat eaters at least come up with some convincing arguments. We’re not stupid, we’re the ones with the evolved brains. If you’re offended – well, I told you to leave didn’t I?

Sorry!

You know what’s worse than constantly hearing “I’m sorry.” from everyone after someone close to you dies? Constantly hearing “I’m sorry.” after people hear that your parents are divorced.

What’s the idea behind that really? Would you rather my parents stayed together in a loveless marriage?

“I’m sorry, it must’ve been hard on you.”

You mean harder that if my parents stayed together in a loveless marriage?

What’s the idea here? Are you saying it because the fact that divorce even exists is shattering the innate idea of a true love in your mind? Because if that is so, I’ve got news for you. True love? A myth. A legend. A LIE! And you know what? I’m sorry you believe it. I’m sorry you were brought up in a society that brainwashes people from a young age into thinking that they have to spend their lives with someone. In a society that is obsessed with finding love so much, nobody has time to love themselves. The time has come to stop it.

You see it in every book, in every film, that’s what makes it so dangerous. The idea of perfect love. Even the strong independent women who don’t need men find themselves charmed by the one in the end.

And if you try to think for yourself and stay single because you are so bloody happy on your own, you know what happens? Other people will look at you with a hint of sadness and assure you that it’s ok, you just haven’t met the right person yet. You haven’t met the one. But you will, you can’t give up hope. What hope? I don’t want to meet anyone!

“Oh, I was like you and then I met the right person and I knew immediately! You’ll see.”

Good for you. I wish you all the best. But I am not like you. I don’t secretly dream about a wedding and five children I’m going to have with my prince charming. This is not a pretence. I really honestly believe that humans were not meant to spend their entire lives with just one significant other. And the statistics are behind me on this.

Don’t tell me you’re sorry about my parents divorce. Tell me you’re sorry they got married. Tell me you’re sorry I’m a product of that marriage. Tell me you’re sorry it took them twelve years of marriage to realize they’re too different and can’t make it work. But never ever be sorry about the fact that they divorced.

— Some of this writing was inspired by Daniel Sloss and his Live shows on Netflix. Please, go watch his shows.