Thanks?

A friend of mine recently said something along the lines “thanks to all my bullies and all the mean and spiteful people I am now this much stronger person”.

Really?

I know what it’s like being bullied. And it definitely did not make me stronger, more confident person who stands up for what’s right. It caused me years of anxiety, and panic attacks, and self-doubts, and self-hatred.

Let me tell you what happened. I was bullied for years. The usual I guess, my things were constantly missing and then appearing at weird places, I had to share my homework, I was constantly mocked and laughed at. Did I ever think of reporting any of it? Ha! Nobody had ever touched me though, all of this was very psychological. Until the fateful day… *dramatic music* He was the worst of them and that day he punched me. In my arm. Not even that hard. But I was on the verge and that tipped me over. I had a complete breakdown with full on ugly crying in the middle of the hallway. A teacher saw me and made me tell her everything. And that’s how the “person” got expelled.

Did it make me feel strong? Did it make me feel confident? Did it make me feel empowered? No, no, and hell no. I was left to my own devices after that incident, but the damage had already been done.

It took me years to start believing in myself. To realize that my opinions are just as good as anyone else’s. To stand behind my opinions. To stand up for myself. And it’s all still a work in progress. None of those things are because my bullies made me stronger. No. I’d have become this confident person with own opinions much sooner if it wasn’t them.

I lived in this fear of what other people think of me that I never stopped to think what I think. The constant fear of failure was a fear of failure in other people’s eyes. There was a voice in my head questioning everything all the time: “But what will people think?” Years later I finally came to a conclusion that it doesn’t matter what others think. At the end of the day it’s just you and you should be happy instead of trying to make other people happy.

So… No! I would not like to thank my bullies and all the people who made things hard for me.

I would like to thank myself for fighting, for overcoming the obstacles others put in my way, for believing, for taking chances, for making myself happy.